Genre: crack, romance, humour
Rating: PG-15 (for languages)
Warning! Swearing / harsh words
Summary: Everyone loves Do Kyungsoo. And Do Kyungsoo hates everyone.
[“I did, Baek, so far I had four dates and rejected at least seven people before, including you.”]Everyone loves Do Kyungsoo. And Do Kyungsoo hates everyone.
“Oh, Soo, come on. You’re twenty, you should have a date.”
“I did, Baek, so far I had four dates and rejected at least seven people before, including you.” Kyungsoo glares at his (onesided) best friend. Baekhyun only smiles sheepishly. “Because your life is nothing but a joke. Why did you hit on me, anyway?”
“Well, you’re cute, I have to admit.” Says Baekhyun bluntly. “But then I guessed that I’m the submissive one and I couldn’t have a boyfriend who’s shorter than me.”
“Love you too.”
. . .
Actually, Kyungsoo doesn’t get it; why does everyone looks for him, even when he doesn’t look for anyone?
“You’re cute.” Jongdae said one day. He was one of Kyungsoo’s dates, anyway. “And I like you. And that’s it.”
Kyungsoo raises his eyebrow. “Are you sure you don’t have any other reasons?”
“Love doesn’t need reasons, sweetheart.”
But then, he broke up with Jongdae because the said one actually wasn’t gay in the first place. He fell head over heels to Zhang Liyin, the highschooler, when they were in their 2nd grade at middle school.
Yes, sure, love doesn’t need reasons your ass.
. . .
“Because you understand me.” Junmyeon confessed wholeheartedly (he’s Kyungsoo’s another date in his first year in high school).
“Look, hyung.” Said Kyungsoo, giving the older one a pathetic look. “Just because I listened to your rants about how sucks your life is, or why does everyone ignore you, doesn’t mean that I understand you. Or I care about you. I accepted you because Chanyeol, that freak, keeps chasing on me.”
“But still, you were listening.” Nodding his head, Junmyeon looked back at Kyungsoo with teary eyes. “You make me love you more.”
“And you make me hate my life more.”
. . .
“Because you’re such a turn-on. Your ass is nice.”
“Sehun, please.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes for the nth times. “You’re only sixteen. Still underage. And call me hyung, I’m your senior.”
“My dick is twenty, though.” Sehun leaned against the chair, and Kyungsoo had this urge to push him off. “And you like it. Just admit that.”
“Me agreeing to be your fuckbuddy doesn’t mean that I like you. Or your dick, in this case.”
“You still like it anyway. You wouldn’t put it in your mouth if you don’t.”
“You useless brat.”
. . .
“Because you’re small. And cute. And squishy.”
“Um.” Scratching the back of his neck, Kyungsoo looked up at Tao. “Tao, listen. First, I am not small; you’re just too damn tall, for God’s sake. Second, I am not cute, except if you’re a psycho and you find it cute when I strangle Chanyeol out of his life. Third, I am not squishy. The squishy one is Candy. Last, I knew that we’re not meant to be since I found you nearly fainted because of the bug landed on your nose.”
“Oh, and another reason. Candy loves you. I love everything that Candy loves.”
“That’s it. We’re over.”
. . .
That’s how Kyungsoo broke his relationships.
He’s not interested to have another date, either. Not yet.
“At least let me know why did you reject those guys.”
“You’ve asked the same question for five times this year, Baekhyun, and my answer is always be the same.”
“Oh, please?” Baekhyun looks at him with those puppy eyes—Kyungsoo tries his best to not puking at it. The best reaction he can give is just a single “ew.”
“Look, let’s just start this already. How about Minseok?”
“We’re just not meant to be.”
“Too pretty. And the over-confidence about his manliness.”
“Too fucking tall. Has no sense of art.”
“Too sweet. I hate sweet things.”
“Are you as crazy as him to ask me why??”
“Hey, he’s pretty nice, though.” Baekhyun protests.
“Then just go and fuck with him already. I’m willingly give him up to you so that he wouldn’t be there to force me to take selfies with him anymore. He’s freak.”
“Whatever, Soo. Ryeowook-hyung?”
“I’m not into oldies who like to see a crossdresser.”
“He’s still a midschooler, you ass. I’m not a pedophile.”
Baekhyun sighs in frustration. “You know what? You have no specific criteria for your ideal type. That’s your problem.”
“I wasn’t asking you to mind my problem, anyway.”
“I’m your best friend, though.”
“I never agreed to be your best friend in the first place.”
The older rolls his eyes, scrolling through his phone screen to find something interesting. And he gets it some minutes later.
“Hey, Soo, you haven’t rejected this Jongin guy, right?”
. . .
And that’s how Kyungsoo got his fifth date.
Kim Jongin is nice, actually. More than just nice, he’s hot. But he also has this cute side; sometimes he acts like he’s only five and all Kyungsoo could do is cooing at him. His height matches with Kyungsoo’s and his face is a sculpture. He’s a mix of a dancer and a poetry.
In short, he’s perfect.
(Well, not 100% perfect, but he had the 99,78% perfection.)
And Kyungsoo almost can’t hate him.
The only thing that Kyungsoo hates is the way Jongin looks at him—even when he’s not looking back at the younger. That’s even slightly worse than Chanyeol’s freak eyes. And he’s super clingy.
“Stop it, Nini.” Kyungsoo finally lost his temper when he was chatting with his friend at the campus and Jongin didn’t stop staring at him from behind. “That’s creepy. I’ve had enough with Chanyeol and you shouldn’t add the record.”
“Soo, you really have no idea about how do you look like.” Jongin stared at Kyungsoo’s eyes—the weird thing about his gaze is that Kyungsoo can’t avoid it, the stare is so intense—and he shrugged. “No wonder everyone loves you.”
“But I hate everyone.”
“You don’t hate me, though.”
“I—“ Kyungsoo’s sayings were getting cut off by the time Jongin pressed his lips against the older’s, who could only sigh in defeat. “Shit, forget it. You just need to stop your habits. Don’t cling on me in public and don’t stare.”
“Sure, sure. Only if you can stop me now.”
Of course Kyungsoo can’t hate Jongin if he always kiss him everytime he’s about to hate the boy.
And Kyungsoo loves him more.